This past weekend, we returned from the retreat, and I must say that I was both challenged and blessed by the experience. One of the challenges I encountered was in reflecting on my understanding of what it means to serve. Watching Pastor Joe, I could sense the joy and excitement he had while serving. In contrast, I realized that serving often feels burdensome to me. I had lost something essential to the heart of serving: the joy of being like Jesus Christ.

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Jesus Himself told His disciples that He came to serve, not to be served. His life was devoted to serving others. Even when He was weary from long journeys filled with teaching, healing, and fellowshipping with sinners and tax collectors, Scripture says He had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. As I reflected on my own heart, I was confronted with the reality that a good shepherd lays down their life for the sheep. I had been unwilling to do this, and I repent of my selfishness.

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I came to realize that my heart harbored hesitation and complaints—complaints about how things could be better instead of gratitude for what already exists. I often look at our vision of “all nations, all generations, all languages” and feel overwhelmed by how far we are from achieving it. As part of an English ministry under the umbrella of a Korean ministry, I sometimes fixate on the cultural differences and challenges we face. But I now see that this attitude is not from God. It stems from my desire for convenience and personal preferences in ministry. Who ever said that doing God’s work would be easy? Serving requires sacrifice. It is those who are willing to lay down their lives who find the true joy of servanthood. Jesus understood this—that’s why Hebrews 12:2 says, “For the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame.”

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As I read through the reflections of our members, I was moved to tears. Many confessed how they had recognized their own selfishness and reluctance to serve the church. One person even shared how they had been praying about whether to leave the church but felt God answer their prayers by reminding them of the importance of loyalty. That confession truly touched my heart.

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I am reminded again of how good God is. Even someone like me—with all my shortcomings and reluctance to serve—can experience the joy of seeing God move in the lives of others. I pray that we may hold on to these small victories as we continue forward with the Lord.

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May He lead us and teach us what it truly means to be servants of His kingdom and His church. Let us move forward together as we build the kingdom of God. Amen.